This Time Without

This time without

 

Be patient my mind says

The hardest time of my life

Seconds into minutes into hours and into days

This time without my wife

 

When and if it will ever end

The ticking of the clock constantly in my head

This time without my best friend

Waiting for news I know I will dread

 

Trying to respect rules that have been given

While writing things that will never be seen

Going through the motions of living

Hoping you can understand what I mean

 

Days of anxiety and despair

All the while dreaming of your smile

This time without the only one I care

Feeling as if my soul is on trial

 

The hardest part is knowing the end

Knowing that you can stay away

Hoping for messages you will never send

And words you will never say

 

This time without half of my soul

Waiting and watching for something that will never be

Alone I am destined to grow old

Without the one who means everything to me

 

I tell myself to let you go

That our time has come and gone

My head tells me this is so

But my heart tells me to carry on

 

Carry on hope that is lost

This time without my better half

If you can stay away at such a cost

Wondering who now makes you laugh

 

I can not take another day

Asking questions with only one answer

It is easier for you to stay away

Than to risk a life with me

This time without my wife

Has given me a glimpse into my tomorrows

Without any joy or happiness in my life

My soul filled with heartbreak and sorrows

 

Occasionally I hold out hope

That my phone will beep or ring

Just giving me enough rope

Enabling my whole being to sing

 

But its been days out of our time

An eternity costing me any chance or try

My life hanging on a thin line

Wondering how you can even get by

 

Finding it impossible to completely follow your request

Reaching out with occasional desperation

My stomach turning and a pain in my chest

Like a prisoner put in isolation

 

If we are meant to be we are meant to be you always say

You must not feel my pain of separation is my reply

A year goes by every day

More and more I realize It’s just a dream in my sky

 

I have given up any hope we reunite

Not in this life that’s for sure

I just hope that when I see the light

It is you who opens the door

 

I love you more than I ever thought I could

I look forward to your visits in the night

If I knew what to do anything I would

While I realize I am out of your heart not just out of your sight

 

This time without my perfect match

Has taught me how much I had

I want to just reach out and catch

That love I want back so bad

 

I wish I would hear from you

I wish I heard the words I want to hear

I wish I held on to hope for tomorrow

I wish I could hold you near

 

When I am alone with you at night

It is the best part of my day

All I know to do is try and fight

To make you want to stay

 

This time without you has scarred me

And made me face the brutal fact

You don’t feel like we are meant to be

You are happier without my act

 

I am sorry I let you down

I am sorry that it ended this way

I am sorry you can live without me

I am sorry you have no words to say

 

Facing the end of us and we and our love

Facing your happiness without me around

Facing all the signs from above

Facing the truth that I let you down

 

I want to say all the right things

And just try and leave you alone

To forget we once exchanged rings

To forget that apart we have grown

 

I love you now more than ever before

With that love in my heart I have let you go

To live without me and see what is in store

A lasting image of soul exposed to show

 

Hope is all but lost for me and you

This I know now and have given up hope

I will always be here and there is nothing I won’t do

Swimming in the eternity of my prison moat

 

This time without the one who means all

Has taught me nothing I didn’t already know

There is nothing and nobody to catch our fall

My heart and my soul tell me so

 

I never thought you could stay away

But you have and have made it clear

Your life will has continued on to another day

With my role in it not wanted or near

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